I wish I only lived at night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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