There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
