at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize