whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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