Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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