i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
