What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
