I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize