I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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