yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
