I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize