why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
