The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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