ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
