Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
