Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
