I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
