I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
