Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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