we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
