wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
