Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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