either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
