call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
