12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
