I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
