My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
