I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
