there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
