Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
