from now on my penis is your penis
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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