I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
