just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
