God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
