Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
be right there i have to get my cape
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
