i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
