My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
