Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will pee on everything he values.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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