yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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