i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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