we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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