SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
