Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
