Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
