u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
