Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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