I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
