There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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