i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
