Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
