Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
