I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
