Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
