Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
