I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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