i think my tv is drunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
