the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
