I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
