he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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