We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize