I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
