So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
