You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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