i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42ā€¯ tv lol
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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